Friday, February 14, 2014

Open Letter to the Great Woody Allen

***Disclaimer: Woody Allen is innocent until proven guilty.  Unfortunately a lot of rich guilty "innocent" people roam our beautiful world.  In the court of public opinion, we are allowed to voice our opinions of said guilty "innocent" people.  But, again, for the record, Woody Allen is innocent until proven guilty in a court of law.

Dear Woody Allen,

You, my friend, are a pervert.  You are a pervert who makes really annoying movies with vague themes and weird story lines.  You are freak that married a girl that you raised as your child.  You are a pedophile that used our court systems to hide from abuse allegations from your daughter.  You are a coward who hides behind the gates of Hollywood keeping justice at bay. You're gross and weird.  But, Hollywood still loves you.

I don't get it.  Hollywood revers you.  They honor you with fancy awards and even have your female actors sing great accolades about you.  They make shrines of you and every strange movie you put out is like the second coming of the Messiah.  You sit back with your intellectual, quietness observing your worshipping little fools and soak that shit up.  Its creepy.  Its universally wrong and luckily I think people are starting to figure this and you, out.

It started out slowly but really came to a boil during the Golden Globes.  You blamed your crazy ex lover for her innocent tweets because you are condescending enough to believe that we can't see you.  You are not transparent, fool.  We see you and have for awhile.  That night was a coming of age for many people.  It was ok for the average joe to quietly and invisibly see your movies but he could never admit that.  Mothers everywhere would admonish average joe and tell him all about who you were.  But, you let Hollywood make a huge mistake.  You let them come out of the Woody Allen closet with a hot pink unitard and tiara.  Big mistake.  People liked you in the closet.  The closet kept you safe.  Now you are out and so are all your dirty little skeletons.     

I can't wait for the day that Hollywood turns on you.  They will.  They always do, most especially when loudmouths like me and others, tirelessly work to bring you down and use the same media you do to put out your crappy films.  Some big time producer will find a little known writer to create a script of your pathetic life.  He will find some young, up and coming actor to play the creeper role of you and will tell the story of your injustices.  The funniest part is they will make this guy look pathetic and will try to condescendingly explain how your marriage was not true incest.  They may even try to give you a mental disorder to help explain away your sexual predator nature.  What a full circle day that will be when Johnny No Name wins an Oscar for portraying the sick Woody Allen!

I wonder how you feel sitting in your kitchen at night, chewing antacids and drinking warm milk {that's what creepers do} while reading the latest information to be splashed all over the entertainment websites.  The tide is changing my friend.  The tide is most certainly changing.  Does it make you worried?  Or, are you so arrogant to be above it all?  Do you discuss this with your wife?  Do you hear her cry at night worried about your children and what they must go through at school?  Oddly, this must be very similar to what your little Dylan went through at her school.  Don't you find it funny how karma works things out?

I know you probably think it is weird that a 30 something mom is sitting on her computer blogging about your life.  But, you do realize all moms across the land are gunning for you, right?  Mama bears don't mind if they have to stand up for someone else's child.  Our club is much bigger and can do much more damage than the Hollywood machine that churns out people like you.  We don't need gangsters to do our dirty work.  We got blogs, social media and the power of the people.  We got this.  We don't stop till justice comes to our children.  And, my friend justice is currently hunting you down.  And, I am sitting here with my box of popcorn and oversized drink waiting for that day.  It's like being at a Woody Allen film... you got to sit through it but you know eventually it has to end.    Here's hoping the credits roll soon....I will be there with a standing ovation for the great Woody Allen.

Moms Around the World

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