Monday, July 21, 2014

Congratulations ... You Raised a Big Jerk

Dear Moms and Dads of the United States of America,

Congratulations on the destruction of the world.  You have finally done the unthinkable.  You have succeeded in changing the path of our future and you have steered this titanic right into the giant iceberg.  Let me explain...

It is totally bizarre to me as I continue working in the field of Early Childhood Education that not one person carrying their PhD's and pedigrees like mighty sabers, have put two and two together.  We are raising some of the most violent, uneducated, spoiled, weak, entitled brats that have ever walked the face of the world.  We are blaming this on video games, violent movies, the internet, too much self esteem, not enough self esteem, guns, overmedication, preservatives, sugar, overdiagnosis, pollution, not spanking, too much spanking, not enough pay at our jobs, single moms, dead beat dads... you name it, we blame it.  We have a reason for every bad thing that happens to our children.  Oddly, the reason is NEVER the parents.  Not one PhD, to my knowledge, has ever suggested that perhaps the parents are to blame.  

No, instead we protect the parents.  We do this for a million reasons.  If we blame the parents we have to start looking at who they are.  I think we would be stopped in our tracks as we slowly began to recognize ourselves.  We would be forced to look at the real issues that we have been too scared to take head on.  We would have to examine closely some of these issues I am going to take to task today. 

We hold teachers responsible for the fact that our children are dumb and are acting up.  We blame the school when our kids are misbehaving and they "can't do their job".  We can't come and get them when they misbehave or there needs to be a discussion on the fact that Bobby failed another geometry quiz or we may lose our job.  Our sweet precious job that doesn't benefit us as much as we are taught to see that it does. 

We could do without our jobs, if we really tried.  We could cut our family budgets and make it work.  We could drop our cable, cut off our cell phones, stop drinking those damn coffees.  We don't want to because we like things.  We like to get stupid drunk on materials.  We love our fancy phones where we can post about our crappy teachers on facebook while chatting with our girlfriends about the latest episode of Housewives as we drink a Venti Triple Soy Caramel Machiatto.  So, we don't pick up our kid that is chucking chairs in his classroom and failing math because "I have got a job and I can't afford to lose it!"  No, crazy person... you can't afford to lose your child in the chaos you are creating.

We make that choice to be complacent in our choices because we believe the teachers will have to figure it out.  Weird though, they don't care either.  They don't care because they have their own child acting out in preschool... biting their friends and kicking their teachers.  They don't have time to figure out your child because they are trying to eek out time for their own little patch of green grass.  Plus, you kind of taught them how to treat your child... with laziness, contempt and indifference.

Your kid makes it through the day after spending 6 hours sitting in a chair in a box like room, filling in dittos and waiting for that glorious 15 min recess.   They are then ushered into the afterschool room filled with kids desperately waiting for their parents to come and save them.  The afterschool teachers fill up your child's time with Level 0!  Homework Table!  Math Station!  Your child waits again for that glorious 15 min recess. 

All the while you are racing like a hamster on a neverending spinning wheel to finish up your last worthless email that you have convinced yourself will change the world.  In essence no change will occur... its just an email sent from a worker bee.  You will jump in your car and begin the race to the school.  You will check your email for other Earth shattering memos and maybe check out Facebook for validation.  You will do this as you drive because you don't have time to pull over and take 5 minutes to do this.  You will return phone calls and talk until you reach the school parking lot. 

When you pick up your "Gift from God" "Blessing From Above" you barely look at them.  You are focused on what you are making for dinner and if your lazy spouse remembered to pick up the milk like you asked him.  Your child will be begging for your attention.  Looking for any morsel of affection or loving touch.  You will rush them to the car and gruffly tell them to "Get In".  If you are in an exceptional mood you will grace your everything with a "How was your day?"  You will ask for some detail but your mind wanders back to dinner. 

By the time you get home, you are exhausted.  You have to make dinner, pay a bill, check homework, make sure baths are done, do the dishes, flip the laundry and then maybe, make it up to your childs bed for a sweet goodnight kiss and hug.  While you are busy doing your thang your child has been vegging in front of the boob tube or playing video games.  You will spend the rest of your evening catching up on reality TV and chastising yourself for how little time you spent with your child.  If you are like me you will make promises to yourself to be better tomorrow... that is the only thought that makes you feel better enough to be able to fall asleep.

Meanwhile, your child is a hot mess.  They have had very little physical contact from any loving adult in their life.  They have been ignored, judged, chastised and bored all day.  They have waited to hear some lovely things about who they are.  They are still waiting.  Your child has filled their precious brains with worthless nonsense from the TV and violent images from their video games.  They are going to bed trying to make themselves feel excited about doing it all over again tomorrow. 
Can you even imagine that reality?

And yet, we scratch our heads and ask ourselves how our children and young adults have become so violent.  We dare to ask how this could happen in a world that has so many "things".  We ignore the fact that since the dawn of ages, "Things" have never mattered.  It is the physical touch and presence of our mothers.  The encouragement and sage wisdom of our fathers.  The support and love from our extended family.  The loyalty and comraderie of our neighborhood.  These things take time to foster and nurture.  Time that we do not have.  Time that we are choosing to give to people, places and things that don't matter and never have.  We are so busy saving the world for others that our own little world is crumbling under the weight of our self placed responsibilities. 

Mothers work more than they ever have.  I am a full time working mom of 5 kids.  I am honest enough to say... something has to give.  You can't be everything to everyone and give 100% to it all.  It is impossible. The effort is there.  The hard work and drive is there.  It doesn't matter, something has to give.  Most of the time it is our children that suffer. 

The kids who crave parental attention so much that they destroy their classrooms.  The children who stay at day care even when they are sick and their moms are at home for a day of rest.  The kiddos who fail at school because they do not have help at home... she's too tired from working all day.  The child who is bouncing around the room and can't focus because they ate crap for breakfast and have been raised on video games that are changing scenes a mile per minute.  The child that is so full of anger at his situation but never goes outside to burn off the steam because its 6pm when they get home. 

And, we dare to ask ourselves... why are they so angry?  Why are they not passing their classes?  Why do they have no respect for adults?  Why are so many kids exhibiting signs of ADD/ADHD?  Why are kids detached and sensory deprived?  Why is autism on the rise?  Why are young adults shooting people?  Why are they so angry?

I really hope people wake up.  I really hope those prissy PhD's will get this passed across their computer screens and think long enough to consider the possibility that the absence of mothers is hugely detrimental.  It is the iceberg to our Titanic.  If someone speaks up, perhaps we can steer the ship in a new direction. 

Today I Am Sad...

So, today my friend finished her abortion.  My friend is such a lovely person.  She is someone I respect, admire and love.  Still do.  But, today she completed an abortion and it hurts my heart. 

As a mommy of 5 kids, one of whom is adopted, I struggle knowing that abortion exists.  I struggle because so many women wait, for years, with the hope that one day they can become moms.  The coveted title revered for only the most fertile ladies of the land.  It's even more surprising that the number of people waiting patiently for a little one to love is the exact same number of abortions that occur every year.  Let that irony sink in. 

Abortion has followed me my whole life and has been one of those issues that I almost can't even discuss with humility, patience or kindness.  It literally boggles my mind why it exists and it hurts my soul to think of the millions of little people that are murdered every year out of necessity to continue a self centered existence that our society admires and sells us. 

Society is a great pimp.  One of the best.  It packages abortion as a shiny solution to that dead beat dad that disrespects your body and uses you like a toy.  It is gloriously convenient and anonymous.  Like ordering a stripper off the internet... no strings, a quick exchange of cash and a simple procedure with very little physical after effects.  It sells the efficiency of the sterile procedure while quietly pushing aside the true definition of what is happening. 

Society has given you glossy little doctors with paper diplomas to tell you on TV how easy it is to rid yourself of a life changing mistake.  Dr. Laura talks about sex as if it is a game with winners and losers.  She gives you pointers on how to use the morning after pill, completely eliminating the human aspect of this decision to end life.  IT IS A PILL THAT ENDS A LIFE THAT HAS JUST TAKEN ROOT.  Dr. Drew is a bit more fancy and uses bigger words and more condescension to help these poor souls with an inability to develop self control.  He has even wrapped up this mindless cluster &*%@ by giving you a convenient website to find places where you can get unprescribed, over the counter abortion pills to get rid of the one night mistake that one day could be a little world changer.  He absolves you from any responsibility and commends your decision to live your life.  He conveniently and intelligently dismisses your baby with medical, sterile terms so that you see this tiny peanut as a weird, ugly tadpole with no human features. 

The best bit of propaganda was given to my friend today and because I love her so much, I can't yet correct it.  But, I will for my readers today.  She was 6 1/2 weeks pregnant and went in for "the procedure" {God forbid we call it like it is}.  When she got there, the "doctors" made the decision that she would not have to have the "surgical procedure", instead she would be given a pill.  This pill would dislodge the baby, effectively removing all sustaining life from him/her.  She would then take another pill 48 hours later to create a "miscarriage".  Let's sit with that for a minute.  A "miscarriage".

It is a grievous insult to every woman who has suffered a miscarriage to label an ABORTION as a miscarriage.  At no point in the procedure is her body betraying her naturally.  At no point is she losing a child that was wanted and loved from the start.  At no point is her body destroying a non viable baby.  She is taking a pill to rid herself of a healthy baby that her body, with the help of a loser sperm donor, created.  This is CLEARLY not a miscarriage.  It is a voluntary termination of life.  It is a decision made by the mother and helped by prescription drug dealers to dissolve a life that was created.  This is NOT a miscarriage. 

I was shocked that society has again trumped intelligence and sold women this load of bull.  It is just one more way this pimp has desensitized us to our actions.  If we call it a zygote, its not a baby.  If we put an abortion in a pill, its not an abortion.  If we take the morning after pill, we are only destroying cells.  If we call it a miscarriage, it is not an abortion.  Abortion clinics and their medical "professionals" again and again treat women as dumb little whores who know no better.  We put up with it.  We stand behind their convenient slogan "My body, my choice" yet we are fed lies by the powers that be.  We slop it up so we can continue our selfish existence.... living only for ourselves with no true consequences for our actions and once again absolving every male of any accountability or responsibility.

I am opinionated because I have been there.  I have experienced the struggle.  My oldest son was conceived while I was 19 and dating my husband.  I am Irish Catholic.  I was always told not to come home if I was pregnant.  I had every reason to abort my son.  I was 19 and could sign my own consent.  I had a job and could easily pay the fee for the procedure.  No one would know.  My scarlet letter "mistake" would be easily erased...he was only a zygote they told me.   He had no face, no hands, no feet, no genitalae... he kind of looked like a creepy seahorse.  Society had me by the balls.  It kind of made sense.

But, I did not have an abortion.  I sucked it up, accepted responsibility and carried my little boy for 9 months.  I was ridiculed, treated badly by family and strangers.  I worked 40 plus hours while pregnant in preparation for his birth.  I was not given a baby shower by my mom.   I had to wait until he was born because the shame of it would have destroyed my parents.  My dad hated my fiancĂ© and could barely talk to me during this time.  I had family members counseling me on giving my baby up for adoption so my life wouldn't be ruined.  I was surrounded by haters.  I was married at 9 months pregnant and was as big as a house and hideous on the most anticipated day of my life. 

It wasn't easy.  But, 9 months later, I held my baby boy and knew I made the right choice.  I never regretted it.  The days I felt him move were little reminders of what I was choosing.  I won't lie, I had an amazing fiancĂ©/husband who reminded me daily that this was not a tragedy.  A man that took responsibility and worked overtime hours, found another job with better insurance and got us a little apartment.  That made it easier.  Although I felt alone, I had him and we were creating a life for ourselves. 

My journey with abortion does not end there.  My little boy, who we adopted 2 years ago, by all definitions, should have been an abortion.  He was conceived by an alleged date rape, his mom was only 16 and her life was definitely in upheaval.  Thank God she chose life.  Thank God she had the courage and did not listen to the worthless propaganda people give you regarding the decision to abort.  Thank God she chose to have her baby... our son.  Both of my boys are CONSTANT reminders why abortion is a disgusting lie sold to the highest bidder.  Abortions literally snatch the most glorious members of humanity off the face of the earth.... for convenience, for fear, for birth control, for ease.

So, today my friend finished her abortion.  My friend is such a lovely person.  She is someone I respect, admire and love.  Still do.  But, today she completed an abortion and it hurts my heart.  She was tricked by society, by her "friends", by her "family" and by "medical professionals".  She was duped and all I could do was  Her baby would have been beautiful.  She would have been an awesome mom.  They robbed that from her.  That makes me sad. 


Tuesday, July 15, 2014

My Husband, The Superhero

I have had the privelege the last 15 years to be the wife to a great man.  He is quietly understated and rarely in my spotlight which is reserved for our 5 amazing children.  Like a typical wife I have the many war stories, complaints and woes of everyday married life that I wear like a badge of honor.  I love a good glass of red wine with a side of "whine" like every other married lady.  However, there are magical days that remind me again and again why I married this ol ball and chain.  Today has been one of those days...
My husband works, on average, 60 hours a week at a back breaking job that was far from his first choice of work.  While managing a grocery store has offered many perks {the insurance is simply the best and being the first to find out when steaks are getting discounted is most definitely a perk of a being a Grocery Store wife} it has also taken a lot physically and mentally on my sweet hubby.  He leaves before the sun comes up and doesn't return till the sun goes down.  Shawn has NEVER used that as an excuse when it comes to his kids.  He is the best dad and is the most important person in their lives.  They idolize him.  They have a hero in their lives and it is not a cheap action figure.
Besides managing a Grocery store, 5 kids and a whiny wife, Shawn made the decision 3 years ago to begin doing comedy.  He started by going to an open mic night and on his SECOND time on stage he performed at a local comedy competition.  He took second place and the judges were shocked by how good he was.  Funny thing was, I always knew it.  He has made comedy a huge part of his life and is finding ways to live a life full of passion and creativity. 
He kind of rocks at his time management because he has NEVER let his family suffer because of his comedy aspirations.  He makes a point of spending his late evenings {after the kiddos and I head to bed} to work into the wee hours crafting his comedy.  He has surrounded himself by comedians that support him as a family man.  He even has an amazing writing group that meets late on Mondays to ensure that his family time is not compromised.  All and all, I got lucky when I married a man that understood that family is first but that doesn't mean you can't live an extra ordinary life.   

But that still doesn't explain the magic of this ordinary day.  Shawn has been working hard on making sure that his comedy has benefited those around him.  We have most definitely benefited from the extra income his shows bring in.  My trips to see my family has been paid in full by his comedy gigs. His comedian friends have benefitted by having a friend that champions them and celebrates their successes... this is rare in the comedy world.  He has even quietly done some pretty amazing things behind the scenes that most people will never know, but that I have the benefit of knowing and proudly carrying in my heart.  But, that still doesn't explain today. 
Today I was invited to his Event page on Facebook to promote his show this Sunday night.  This show is unlike any other.  He has arranged with the owner of Comedy Off Broadway to host a show for a local comedian named Darin whose infant daughter has been seriously sick.  He has found 4 comedians that have agreed and demanded to do the show for FREE.  Our headliner is nationally touring comedian Stewart Huff!  The tickets are only $8 which means that everyone can come for a cheap night of good comedy while still raising awareness and funds for Baby Carlin.  Shawn heard about Darin and immediately set to work on finding out how he could help.
Baby Carlin has been in and out of hospitals and her parents have really struggled.  The horror of having a sick child is one that we have never had to endure.  Our 5 healthy kids have never know a really seriously sick day in their lives.  I know his heart broke just like mine when we thought of this little girl.  The medical bills alone would swallow you whole.  The time off of work would be financially crushing.  Just putting food on the table would be a struggle... physically, mentally and financially.  Most people would hear this story and say some prayers.  Maybe add the family to a prayer chain at church.  If you were feeling really ambitious a fancy chicken casserole would do just the trick to heal this dilemma.  Most normal people are not Shawn.
The show Shawn has put together will be able to give 100% of the proceeds to Carlin's family to help with any expenses they are wracking up.  To their credit ALL of the comedians will be donating their services and they all demanded to do that.  How awesome is that???   Donations will be taken and lots of information will be given out to help continue supporting this family.  The best news?  This show is going to be a MONTHLY commitment that he is making to help other people in similar situations where finances are suffocating them.  Our world is a big one full of people who are waiting to make a difference.  I guess Shawn just got tired of waiting. 
He is doing this for NO other reason besides that he is a great man with amazingly creative ideas that he uses to benefit OTHERS... always putting himself last.  Even as I write this I know he will be mad that I am sharing these feelings with the world.  He will be worried that I didn't talk enough about all of the people who are helping him, the club, the family we are helping, the cause we are promoting.  But, today I need to talk about my pride as a wife to my best friend who pretty much rocks.  There is no greater character trait than the humility, kindness and empathy that this is promoting in others but more importantly in our families lives.  You do things to help others but most of the time you find that by helping others you are always helping yourself.   
As an old married couple with a few years under our belt, we have known struggles.  When you struggle you find yourself in very dark and lonely places.  You can feel beaten up and defeated.  You get the old Bible story of Job out and read it like it is your autobiography.  It has always amazed and inspired me that Shawn has always taken those struggles and turned it into something truly magical.  Something that will literally change someone's world.  My husband is my hero and he makes me want to be better person every day.  Today I am very grateful that I get to be his wife and walk with him through life.  Today I am loving every minute of it. 
If you are interested in purchasing tickets, please follow the link:
or call: {859} 271-5653.
For Donations to benefit the Hensley Family please go to:
Her Facebook page is "Caring for Carlin"
Recently Crowned Louisville's Funniest Dad of 2014

The Trophy of Honor!