Thursday, May 18, 2017

A Letter to My Graduating Son and His Damn Wings...

My Boy, My Joy,

13 years ago I watched you walk into Kindergarten without a glance back.  My heart broke into a million pieces.  The wings I had so carefully crafted to your back during those early years, had worked...too well.  I wanted, at that moment, to snatch those wings from your back and throw them away.  This morning I feel the exact same way and it hit me that I am so proud of who you are.  Who we have helped you to become.  I thought about those damn wings and each of the feathers we placed on them in preparation for this day and as much as I hate to admit, I am proud of every stinking feather.  

I crafted these damn things.  I made sure to add extra feathers for protection.  I prayed over every single one.  I asked God to protect you, guide you and lead you as you soar.  Of all things that I prayed to give you, I really wanted you to receive faith and hope.  I wanted you to know how God has walked with you throughout your life.  But, I also tried to sneak in some other feathers that I am pretty proud of. I hope you recognize the gifts of creativity, kindness, compassion, integrity and leadership that I tried so hard to pour over you.  My wish is that, even though I don't like these wings today, my part of these wings help give you flight throughout your life.

Your dad gave you some beautiful feathers along the way.  Passion for everything you attempt to do.  Courage to follow your dreams and to never let obstacles stand in your way.  I will concede that he was the one who gave you the almighty gift of music.  Music that has become the most important passion in your life. He has also taught you joy.  Living life with laughter and lots of love.  He showed you what matters most in life.  Love is truly ALL that you need.  Love for your family, your friends and all who you will come in contact with.  He has truly given you guidance which will become the wind beneath your wings.

Your siblings have given you so much as well.  I hope you will recognize their gifts to you.  Emma- your dodo.  That girl loves you and idolizes you.  I know you see this and are grateful for this.  She has helped to give you purpose.  You know that the life you lead will be an example to her.  Kiley has given you confidence and knowledge.  Confidence in speaking up for yourself and knowledge that the things you say and do have great affect on others.  This can be a blessing and a curse.  Keegan has given you a great amount of patience and understanding.  Through his struggles, you have learned to be there... no matter what.  Family never gives up.  Family is a great healer.  Dylan, technically, gave you your first brother.  This bond has shown you what pride is.  And, then there was Lucy.  Lucy gave you feathers of responsibility.  She helped show you that you have a responsibility to others to bring them closer to God through your actions.  These are the things they have given you to help you on your journey.  Know they will be watching you and your flight will give them valuable insight into what becoming a man looks like.

You have a beautiful family.  Family that has celebrated you for the last 18 years.  They have walked with you and cheered you on, in big and little ways.  Great Grandparents who have given wisdom and insight into your heritage. Even as they look down on you from heaven, they are still so proud of you.  I can still see each of them as they held you for the first time.. Their first great grandson.  You could do no wrong in their eyes.  You are their legacy. 

Your Grandparents have given you feathers too.  They have taught you the meaning of family, faith and hardwork.  In order to BE family you must BE family.  Spending time with people important to you is the greatest gift you can give.  The countless trips to visit you as you celebrated a milestone showed you the commitment it takes to create a family bond.  Working for your grandparents and seeing all of the time and effort they put into making a future to benefit you.  This sense of purpose and commitment to family will truly prepare you as you become an adult and decide how to prioritize things in your life.

So many Aunts and Uncles.  You were their first nephew.  This was a gift you will never fully understand.  They held you when you were born, rocked you to sleep, taught you your first tricks and celebrated every single milestone as if you were their own child.  And then they filled your life with MANY, MANY cousins.  All of whom stand by and watch you take flight.  Your every move will be watched by them.  You will lead them towards success.  This is a great responsibility and based on the feathers in your wings, you got this. 

How lucky in life you have been to have been given such an awesome family!  We know all too well what happens when your wings are not built with love.  Never forget you have been blessed with a life FULL of love.  Sometimes that love must have seemed suffocating.  I hope you see how that love has been transforming.  You have custom made wings.  Wings crafted by not just your parents.  I sit here this morning after watching you leave for the last day of school and I am filled with gratitude to everyone in our extended family.  People that did not HAVE to be there.  People that chose too. 

Our Church family.  People who have really become a part of the fabric of our lives.  They have given us such great examples of how to live a good life.  I am seeing in my minds eye the pews filled with faces who have silently watched you grow into the man you are.  Some have given you the gifts of music and praise {shout out Leny and choir} some have given you the gift of living your faith out loud {Paul and Ann, SPC CCD/CYO, Mama Nita and Deacon James} and of course, our Father Norman who has shown you that you can live your faith with great JOY!

All of the teachers, administrators and counselors who have touched your life.  People who were like second moms and dads to you.  They taught you everything you needed to know.  Not just facts and figures.  They taught you how to be a really GOOD person.  There are some teachers that you will never forget.  These teachers have given you much more than what the state curriculum forces them to do.  Only you will know what feathers they have added.  But, it is my greatest hope that you have shared your gratitude for how they have helped to raise you.

Shawn, you have found some amazing friends.  These friends have amazing families who have become our friends.  I truly could not have picked better people for you to fly with. I look at what they have given and am so thankful that they have helped us to fill in those feathers.  Happiness, confidence, goofiness, focus, drive, determination... just to name a few.  Your friends can not be mentioned without the gigantic feathers of Johnny Conqueroo and all the life lessons you have learned from being in this band.  Some of these lessons gave you humility but most of them have shown you that hardwork pays off and if you are creative, you will never know a day of boredom.

You know the last few weeks I have been listening to horribly sad and tragic goodbye songs {Spotify playlist attached for my readers to listen to and cry with}  You laugh at me for this and call me melodramatic.  But, this IS a goodbye. 

This is the day the world recognizes that you are ready to fly from our nest.  We know that, much like Kindergarten, you will not look back and you will fly higher than we could have ever imagined.  I know you will be back to visit, probably eat some meals and ask me to do your laundry. I know we have the whole summer to spend together.  And, we will.  We will soak up every last moment before everything truly changes.

But, today we celebrate you and those damn wings that we created.  Wings that are ready for flight.  They are full of the love of people who have come and gone in your life.  Each person has made you who you were meant to be and given you some feathers to help you along the way.  As you walk across the stage and accept this diploma, know that you are who you are because of who they were to you.  You are ready to fly!

P.S. I can still curse those damn wings today... and I will.  But just for a little bit.  Mostly, I will be proud.  So unbelievably proud.   I will be watching you fly and as tears flow down my face, I will forever be cheering you on.

To watch our "Ode to Shawnie" Graduation video...

To listen to my sappy, sad songs that helped prepare me for this day...

Monday, January 23, 2017

The Truth About the March For Women

*Buckle up buttercups, this one is not for the faint of heart.  The following rant is rated PG-13.  Please proceed with caution.

This one is definitely going to strike some nerves and probably piss some people off, but I just have to.  Mostly for my daughters.  My daughters who deserve better than what was shown over this weekend.  My daughters who will be raised to be super strong feminist just like me.  The daughters I pray will never walk in a parade wearing a vagina hat, screaming about the unfairness of their very privileged lives.  Women who will know what it truly means to be a feminist.

Here's a couple facts about the March for Women that really got me in all the feels...

1. This march was mostly funded by George Soros.  George Soros is one of the richest men in our country.  He has helped create and believes in population control... just like China.  He is one of the biggest contributors to Hilary Clinton's Campaign.  He is the third largest contributor of Planned Parenthood, donating close to 20 million dollars.  One of his most recent donations to Planned Parenthood was 1.5 million dollars to create damage control after the Planned Parenthood videos were leaked accusing the organization of the following: selling baby body parts to the highest bidder and helping cover up the sex trafficking of minors.  50 of Soros' business partners fully funded this march.  They donated a total of over 90 million dollars to the march.  But, this march had nothing to do with abortion- insert heavy sarcasm.

2. Pro Life groups were not allowed to participate.  Many pro life organizations petitioned to be a part of the march and were denied.  The reason they were given?   If you are ProLife you are not Pro Women {AMP}.  I disagree wholeheartedly.  Abortion hurts the woman undergoing the procedure and stops a beating heart of a human being.  You can only assume half of which are women.  What would these women become if they had a chance at life?  Perhaps the first female president?  The scientist who could discover the cure for cancer?  Or maybe, just a simple, kind woman changing the lives of those she meets.  Not to mention, that so many women undergo abortions because they will not be supported by the father.  The father that society lets off the hook.  Society that tells men to have zero self control and use women for the sexual objects that they are.  To ProLife women, this is unacceptable.  How is this not feminism at its core?  How were these feminists not allowed to be a voice at this March for ALL women... except the one we disagree with.

3. Half a million women attended.  500,000.  That is a crap ton of women.  I will readily admit and even silently cheer, that so many women were privileged enough to stop what they were doing and march in the streets.  This march FILLED our media networks with non stop coverage.  I never saw so many badly drawn penis posters or really grotesque vagina hats in my life.  It was a pink parade of women all marching in unity, never before seen in our country.  Oh wait, it is seen.  Every year around this time.  When 650,000 people attend {Wikipedia} the March for Life.  The march that demands that babies be given the right to life.  You probably have no idea this many people attend this march annually. That is because it is not on news networks.  You know, news networks with men as the CEO's who control content and messaging?  Isn't that ironic?  If you don't believe me and think I am just a crazy prolifer... check out the coverage this weekend.  This weekend is supposed to be the largest Right to Life march in history.  Let's see how much time the media gives to this.

4. Lastly and most importantly, there was NO POINT.  Watching the coverage you couldn't discern if the march was about wages, planned parenthood, legal abortion, healthcare, homosexuality or "pussies".  It was a lot of privileged women complaining about a lot of things.  There was no call to action for any of these items.  Meanwhile, around the world, real hardship occurs for women.  Female mutilation, no access to clean drinking water, poverty that makes ours seem hilarious in comparison, hunger of women who are raising children destined to die, women living in war torn cities holding their dead babies while our country stands by with fancy vagina signs.  Do you know how gross this lack of humanity is?  In this country we have the right to march against a man that uses offensive language years before he even ran for government... meanwhile in the real world, a woman is being stoned to death for having sex outside of marriage.  How out of touch are the feminists in this country?   George Soros and his minions could have spent 25% of the money for the march on providing clean drinking water for numerous villages.  20 million dollars would go a LONG way.  Could you imagine what 90 million dollars could have done for the global community of women we were supposedly using our voices for?  You literally accomplished nothing.  NOTHING.  You were 500k women throwing the biggest temper tantrum ever recorded in the world. 

Now, let's talk about what the march was really about.  What that 90 million dollars was really about.  It was to protest our Pussy Grabbing President.  First, whether you voted for him or not, he is our president.  He has appeared on The Howard Stern show more than 24 times.  With a listening audience of 20 million.  He has created reality shows, performed on Monday night RAW, made inappropriate comments about his daughter, got caught talking about grabbing a women's pussy and has been accused of sexual assault.  And yet, he is still our president.  The only question we should all be asking and marching about is ... how did this happen?  How can such a gross man become the leader of the free world.  My answer... take a good long look in the mirror.

Here are some facts to think about...

1. The United States is the top producer of pornographic DVD's and web material.  Every 39 minutes a new porn film is created in the United States.

2. Most men watch or have watched porn.  The University of Montreal tried conducting a study on porn and when trying to make a control group of men who have not watched porn they could not find one.  20% of American men say they have watched pornography while at work

3. 88.2% of top rated porn scenes show aggressive acts and 70% of these are perpetrated by men.

4. A Google trends analysis found that searches for "teen porn" has tripled since 2013.  Let that sink in. Underage children performing sex acts for adults pleasure.

5. Amy Schumer was the first person on cable to champion the word pussy being used.  It is now a commonly accepted way to describe the female anatomy.

6. 125 million copies of "50 Shades of Grey" has been sold worldwide. This book focuses on the relationship between Christian and Ana.  A relationship about male dominance in and out of the bedroom.  He has her sign a contract giving him permission to do whatever he wants to her while he pacifies her with money, travel and extravagance.  It was on the bestseller list for 16 weeks.  And the movie version grossed over $571 million in box office. 

What do these facts have to do with our president?  We created this monster.  The cream always rises to the top.  We have elected a man who epitomizes these things that are so important to our country.  And, while priveleged, mostly white, women were protesting this orange disaster of a president, women around the country were being degraded and sold to the highest bidder.  And, we are cool with it.  We just don't want our president to reflect our sexual skeletons in the closet.  Am I outraged that a man like Trump could win the presidency?  Yes.  Am I surprised or shocked?  No. 

His competition was a woman that has been investigated for felonies numerous times in her life.  She is married to the most misogynistic man to ever hold the office of president.  She herself "slut" shamed all of his victims and helped to make them obsolete.  She virtually used her power to silence rape victims.  And yet, feminists everywhere hold her on a pedestal as an activist.  This was Trump's only competition.  Why didn't we march against that hypocrisy?

We have a lot to reflect on as women.  We all know that deep down, women control the world.  In so many seen and unseen ways.  If we believe this to be true- and I do- how did we let this happen?  Things have to change.  We need to demand that our little girls are not subjected to this world we created.  We need to stop consuming media that sells us misogyny and male dominance.  We need to demand that the porn industry take accountability in the rape culture it creates.  We need to raise little boys that will become great men who will hold women on pedestals.  Most importantly, we need to actively respond to women who are suffering around the world... through donations, awareness and humanitarian relief.

The most important way we can do this is by demanding first, that our country respects life.  Respects, values and takes care of ALL lives.  From womb to tomb.  Yes, this includes illegal immigrants, homeless drug addicts, the prostitute AND the pimp.  But, most importantly, the very least of us.  If we started respecting life from the very MOMENT of conception to the very MOMENT of death, could you imagine the revolution that would occur in this nation?  As women... as feminists... we hold the power to bring compassion and mercy to every one of God's creatures.  If we lead the revolution, the men will follow.  It begins here.  It begins with us and it should begin right now.

If you agree, share my message.  Help start the revolution by calling out this march for what it was, a nice attempt that failed at action.  If you disagree, respectfully give me your thoughts.  And know, that no matter your views, I respect you. 

Monday, November 7, 2016

To My Children on the Eve of the Election....

Shawnie, Emma, Kiley, Keegan, Dylan and Lucy...

My Beautiful Children,

I am writing this letter to you on the Eve of the 2016 Presidential Election.  This night will surely be a defining night for our country.  One that will be written of in the history books. 

There has never been a more divisive presidential race in our history.  Brothers have turned against brothers, neighbors against neighbors.  The hateful language of both parties has been like a punch in the gut to all of us.  This election has been draining on the hearts and minds of every citizen.  The worst part of this election is that in the end, no one wins.  We will either get a President who is an arrogant, misogynistic fool or we will end up with a President who, most everyone agrees, is a criminal.  A criminal that will never be held accountable by a country run by thieves and liars.  Our representatives and senators stand silent and in solidarity with their party, rarely crossing the party line, to right wrongs or help bring about positive change.  This election will literally change the world as we know it.  And I feel strongly it will not be for the better.

You are my most precious treasures and I feel that tomorrow we will officially leave you with a world that has sold you many lies.  They have wrapped those lies in pretty little political packages.  They have given them to us as the truth.  They have done such a good job selling them to us.  They have made us fear that we must choose one form of evil over another.  They have been so evil- in words and deeds- that they have forced us to look deep inside and examine what is important to us at the end of the day.  This has been challenging for so many of us.  Especially those wishing to do the right thing and vote for the best candidate.

So tonight I want to remind you of what is true and right in the world.  I want to remind you, so that when you are faced with the heavy burden of voting for fools and criminals, you will remember what matters.  Mostly, I want to share this, because I need you to know how much I thought about my vote and discerned what I needed to do.  This list of 3 truths helped me decide who to cast my ballot for.

1. Protect the Least of Us... Always

It is your duty as a child of God to defend all life.   Even when your leaders scream from their campaign stages that "Black Lives Matter!"  "Blue Lives Matter!"  Hear me when I say to you this truth, ALL LIVES MATTER

From the moment of conception to the moment of death, you are called to protect all of God's children, especially the most vulnerable.  Those without voices, who have no advocates to fight for them.  These are the least of our brothers and sisters.   Remember this does not only mean protecting babies in the womb.  This means protecting our elderly who sit alone in nursing homes without visitors or advocates.  Vulnerable children in abusive environments.  Children in foster care who go through their childhood without the safety and security of having a family.  Homeless men, women and children.  Prisoners convicted of the most awful crimes.  Refugees, even from countries that harbor terrorists.  This is the real challenge and call of our faith. 

Remember that all of these humans are God's creation and the ones in our society that have no voice.  These are the least of us.  These are the ones the politicians exploit to further their own agendas.  .  They build their careers on the backs of these people.  Hold them accountable.  Be educated on the social stances of your leaders.  Make sure that they will help others.  This means that they "give people poles not fishes".  Nothing is for free in this world, you need to provide opportunities, not handouts, for all people to live a long, healthy life.  Use your votes to make sure they protect ALL of God's children.  From womb to tomb. This is your duty.

2. The Greatest of These is Love

Remember, dear children, that God had many commandments but the most important one is Love One Another, As I Have Loved You.  We are all sinners in the eyes of God.  There is no sin greater than the ones we have marking our own souls.  There will be many people in your life that will stand in judgment of others.  Know that the only judgment that is right and true comes from our Father in heaven.  He knows who we are... the good, the bad and the ugly.  And, he loves us anyways.  He tells us that this is the way we must love each other.  No matter what.

Don't ever forget love is an action not a word.  To love, you must put forth effort.  Loving someone is easy when your path is smooth and clear.  The real challenge is loving someone even when they have hurt you deeply.  Or loving someone who is at their most unlovable.  It is not easy to hug a homeless person or spend time with the elderly.  It is definitely not easy opening up your home to those who need shelter or to take the time to feed the hungry.  How about visiting a felon?  Taking care of the sick?  Burying the dead?  That truly challenges you to think about what love looks like. 

Research your candidates and see how and if they have lived a life of love.  Not love of self but love for others.  A leader is a person who puts themselves last, not first.  A leader is a person of action, not words.  Look for leaders who love like this.  When you can't find them, become one.

3. God's Got This

My favorite bible passage is...
"Don't worry about anything.  Instead pray about everything.  Tell God what you need and thank Him for all He has done".- Philippians 4:6-7

Pray all the time.  Prayer does not have to be mindless recitations.  Prayer can be simple meditating, a song, a drawing, a conversation.  Prayer is a powerful instrument of change.  My babies, remember, you are not in control.  You never have been.  You must always do the right thing, even when no one is looking.  But, you must know, even if you do the right thing, the outcome may not be what you think it should.  This is when you must lay your troubles at the foot of the cross.  He's got this.  He always has and always will.

So, before you cast a vote, such as the one I will cast tomorrow, take the time to say a prayer.  Call on the mighty St. Michael or as Paul McCartney once sang, "When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me speaking words of wisdom, Let It Be" {calm down Beatles fans... I know this is about his mother but I like to think he was singing about Blessed Mother}.  Never stop praying.  God hears the voices of all his children. 

There it is my children.  The thoughts I am holding in my heart tonight.  This is the wisdom I want to share with you.  The world is not broken.  Don't buy into the lies that we are told.  No matter who wins tomorrow, the world will keep spinning.  Even though they have tried to make us lose hope and faith, keep in mind that we are still a nation that is great.  A nation that is still full of good people.  A nation that is so strong, even in its weaknesses, that no election will ever destroy us.  Instead it will hopefully make us think deeply about what it is that truly matters to us.  What are the defining truths that will guide us going forward.  While this election is scary, I am also choosing to believe that it has also given us a newfound desire to leave this world a much better place for our children. 

As I cast my vote tomorrow I will be thinking of each of you.  I will be voting as a voice for the least of us.  I will be voting with love in my heart.  Love that I vow will continue to be an action not just a meaningless word.  And, lastly, after much prayer, I will vote trusting that whatever the outcome, God's got this. 

Friday, August 26, 2016

327 Days and the Counting Crows...

This morning on my kitchen table I found this….

To you, it may just be a nicely drawn picture with song lyrics, but to me it was another example of how proud my firstborn son makes me.  You see my son, Shawn, drew this photo for his Godmother.  She had been bugging him about this for awhile.  She asked him to make her a drawing of Adam Duritz from the Counting Crows with the words to her favorite song {Anna Begins}.  Shawnie doesn’t have a lot of free time.  He is the hardest working 16 year old you will ever meet.  I couldn’t believe that he spent time doing this.  In this moment it really made me reflect on how lucky I am that he is my son.  How sad I am going to be when he leaves home in 327 days.  And, how much my life has been changed because of who he is.

When I found out I was pregnant with Shawn, my world was flipped upside down.  I had just turned 20 and was working a minimum wage job while going part time to school.  I was scared out of my mind.  My family and friends, for the most part, were ashamed of me and offered very little support.  I remember there was a lot of judgment.  Thank God for his father.  He always told me “this is not a tragedy”.  How prophetic those words are now.  He was excited and gave me confidence we could do this. When Shawnie was born my whole life shifted.  Holding that wriggly, slimy newborn with tears running down my face, I knew my life would never be the same.  I learned how to be selfless.  I learned how to be loving, generous and patient.  Through his pregnancy I vowed to always be compassionate and kind to all people.  He taught me what faith really is and that having faith means you must act with love.  To this day he remains my biggest supporter.  He is my reason for everything.  I need him WAY more than he needs me.  He has no idea how much he has changed my life. 

People have no idea how hard this kid works.  How much of who he is comes from how much he does.  Never complaining.  Just doing what needs to get done.  He has maintained a high GPA while taking all accelerated high school courses.  He has rocked out his ACT which means he will most likely be able to score free in- state college tuition.  He has done that for himself but also, for us.  He has always worked hard to make our lives easier. 

This year he had an opportunity to take 3 college courses and do a Monday-Friday internship since he got all his high school credits in a year early.  Most kids would not have loaded up on all of those classes.  In fact, Shawnie gave us all the reasons why he should not do this.  We kept encouraging him to take advantage of the opportunity and work really hard.  And, Shawnie did.  It was not the easy decision but he knew it was the best decision for his future self.  He is currently enrolled in 3 college classes that occur every morning.  Every night he has about 2 hours of homework that he does.  I never have to check on his work or follow up.  I never have had to.  He just does what he needs to do and moves on. 
He also has a MWF internship at our elementary school mentoring under a Kindergarten teacher.  He leaves his school and works here til 3:30.  His future aspirations is to become a teacher.  He could be anything he wants to be.  He chooses to pursue a job where he will work for peanuts, helping others.  He will most likely never own a giant house, have huge trophies or awards decorating a big fancy desk in a corner office overlooking the city.  He will work for others.  No matter how I try to discourage him, he has his mind set.  After his internship, to make sure I don’t have to pick him up, he walks home.  It’s a pretty long walk.  He never complains.  He just walks.  Most kids would spend hours a week complaining about this… Shawnie doesn’t.  He walks to make my life easier.  He is constantly serving others before himself.

On Tuesday and Thursday he leaves school and catches a public bus to get to the other side of town and then walks to his second internship/job.  He works for his Papaw in his real estate office till 6 on these days.  So far, he has been unable to have the bus let him out at the correct bus stop.  He has had to walk about a mile and a half to the office.  Again, he doesn’t complain.  He takes it in stride.  I pick him up and make him listen to my sad Spotify playlist called 327 Days.  He puts up with it and laughs as I cry. He gets home and digs right into his homework after eating a rushed dinner.  He laughs about his bus misfortune and tells his stories of woes always hoping to bring a smile to someone's face. 

Shawnie has also volunteered to help at our church running the Alpha program for our CYO group.  He hasn’t rolled his eyes about my pressure to stay involved in church. He just does what he needs to do and is excited about starting this.  This will be a commitment.  This has not stopped Shawnie from doing what he feel he needs to do.  He continues making his faith a priority and recently, has even asked to go on a silent retreat with me to discern his future.  He jokes about becoming a monk.  Part of me wonders if one day he may pursue that.  Even if it is a passing fad most teenagers go through, it shows me how he is constantly looking for God’s will in his life.

The kid also is in a band called Johnny Conqueroo.  The band is exploding.  He has band practice and gigs every weekend and they are working on recording, so most of his weekends are spent playing bass in the "studio."  Their band, Johnny Conqueroo, is currently being scouted by some record labels and a big time manager has been working with them for over a year.  The amount of pressure I know he feels being a part of this band is so high for a kid of 16 years, soon to be 17.  Most kids couldn’t handle this, but Shawnie can and does this with the ease and grace I only wish I could have. 

Most importantly, Shawnie has FIVE brothers and sisters that he helps with.  He is my right hand man at home a lot of the time.  In fact, when he leaves for college, I actually legitimately don’t know what I am going to do with out him.   His brothers idolize him.  Going to have a sleepover with Shawnie and being able to play video games with him is the highlight of their week.  The way they look at him is truly a thing to behold.  Emma is his best friend at home.  He watches out for her at school and makes sure that she surrounds herself with good people.  He is her biggest fan.  He has no idea how much she looks for his approval.  Kiley Grace adores Shawn.  She waits for the minute he chooses to call her out for time or attention.  Out of all my kids, she looks up to him the most.  Lucy Kate is the luckiest.  She gets his undivided attention each day when he holds her and cuddles her.  He is never overwhelmed by the chaos of a big family.  He has always adjusted and kept the peace in our family.

Most of you know that our son, Keegan, has Reactive Attachment Disorder.  This dominates so much of our time and energy.  Shawnie is the best encourager for Keegan.  He spends so much time mentoring him.  He makes sure Keegan knows when he is disappointed in his bad decisions but more importantly, he is right there to praise every good decision he makes.  Part of RAD is that the child treats the mother really badly.  It breaks my heart.  Do you know that anytime this happens, Shawnie comes swooping in to give me a big huge hug?  He constantly tells me and reinforces to me what a good mom I am.  And, I believe him.  He doesn’t just do that for me… he does that for all of us. 

Above all he is kind.  Really kind. He is good.  I mean really good.  He is the definition of selfless and humble.  The thing that gets me is I have no idea how he became this way.  Shawn and I made good parenting decisions but we also made some bad ones.  We always hoped we were doing a good job but you never really know.  There were so many nights I cried myself to sleep with guilt about how much I yelled or said mean things to my son because I lost my temper and focus.  I mourn how many nights I fell asleep without even remembering if I had hugged or kissed him good night.  But, I am so hopeful, that part of who his is, is because we did some things right.  If we did anything right, I hope Shawnie would agree, it was that Shawnie was loved.   At his best and his worst.  He knew he was loved.  He knew enough about his faith to know that the greatest commandment is to "love your neighbor as I have loved you".  Be compassionate, merciful, kind and never lose your faith.  Hopefully we can credit some of who he is with instilling in him selflessness.  Giving more to others than you do to yourself.  He is rich in all these qualities that, at the end of the day, are the only things that really matter.   

As I reflect on Shawnie and his last 327 days at home {how pathetic is that countdown} I am so thankful to God for giving us the wisdom to parent Shawnie the way we have.  Shawnie was our #unplannedpregnancy and society would have said he should never have been born.  What a waste to the world that would have been. Thank God we listened to our hearts and not to some of the harsh, unkind words that were said towards us.

 He has started his last year at home.  He has started it off by an act that is both humble and kind.  That picture is a true gift to his Godmother and more than the quality of the art, is the act from which it came.  He took time... a lot of time… to make another person happy.  He really didn’t have the time, energy or creativity to spare… but he did it anyways.  It is a gift I know his Godmother will treasure and it is one that has reminded me once again how lucky I am to be his mom and how very much he will be missed when he leaves our nest.    

*** Weirdly, Tim McGraw sang this song about my kid.  I hope this song makes you think of your own kid.  Enjoy every minute because it goes by much faster than you would think ***

  "Humble And Kind"

You know there's a light that glows by the front door
Don't forget the key's under the mat
When childhood stars shine,
Always stay humble and kind

Go to church 'cause your mamma says to
Visit grandpa every chance that you can
It won't be wasted time
Always stay humble and kind

Hold the door, say "please", say "thank you"
Don't steal, don't cheat, and don't lie
I know you got mountains to climb
But always stay humble and kind
When the dreams you're dreamin' come to you
When the work you put in is realized
Let yourself feel the pride
But always stay humble and kind

Don't expect a free ride from no one
Don't hold a grudge or a chip and here's why:
Bitterness keeps you from flyin'
Always stay humble and kind

Know the difference between sleeping with someone
And sleeping with someone you love
"I love you" ain't no pick-up line
So always stay humble and kind

Hold the door, say "please", say "thank you"
Don't steal, don't cheat, and don't lie
I know you got mountains to climb
But always stay humble and kind
When those dreams you're dreamin' come to you
When the work you put in is realized
Let yourself feel the pride
But always stay humble and kind

When it's hot, eat a root beer popsicle
Shut off the AC and roll the windows down
Let that summer sun shine
Always stay humble and kind

Don't take for granted the love this life gives you
When you get where you're going don't forget turn back around
And help the next one in line
Always stay humble and kind


Monday, August 8, 2016

Adoption Takes A Village

Today is Fantastic Five Day.  We named this day for the day Keegan officially and legally became our son and made us a family of 5 children.  Usually around this time of year I am reflecting on our adoption day and thinking about so many important things.  In the past I have written about Keegan, his bio mom, adoptive moms and how our family was changed on this day.  But, I have never wrote a thank you to all of the people in our lives who helped make Fantastic Five a reality.  Without their support and encouragement we would never have had the courage or faith to make this happen. 

Adopting a child is no joke.  Adopting a child when you had no plans for it are almost impossible.  Adopting a child while you have 4 biological children and live in a 1200 square foot is literally laughable.  No one in our lives doubted us.  No one in our lives tried to discourage us.  Most importantly, everyone in our lives prayed for us and gave us more support than we could have ever imagined. 

What people don’t know is that adoption does not just start and stop.  For some adoptive families, adoption is a journey that is difficult and the terrain is rocky and uncertain.  For us, it was very clear that something was not right.   Keegan did awesome in the beginning but after a year of living with us, his behavior became very aggressive and concerning.  Our days were consumed with fits, control issues and manipulation.  I received almost daily calls from school about Keegans behavior and I was literally trying to figure out how I could keep my job when my job needed to be staying at home helping my hurt son.  

When we received the diagnosis that Keegan had RAD {Reactive Attachment Disorder} we were literally panicked thinking of what our future would be like.  So many of the RAD families have such heartbreaking stories.  Stories of children who are removed and institutionalized.  Children who never thrive socially.  Children who are so manipulative that allegations are made and families are ripped apart.  During that time our daily lives literally felt like a constant tornado.  We never seemed to catch a break and were having to learn how to parent in a completely different way.  We were scared and feeling very hopeless.  Again, our community of supporters rallied around us and held us up through prayer, listening, encouragement and support. 

Finally after 4 years, things are settling down a little bit.  We have grown stronger as parents and Keegan is making huge strides.  We have found an awesome therapist and Keegan is thriving as he begins to learn how to trust more and understand how to control and identify his emotions.  I think he is finally believing that we are his FOREVER family and no matter what he does, that will NEVER change.  I am not na├»ve enough to think that our struggle is finished… in fact, it may just be starting.  But, I am so confident that we have the tools to continue making slow, daunting steps forward.  Most importantly, we are surrounded by so many people that we are indebted to for their support and understanding.

Today’s Fantastic Five Day blog is not going to be about us.  It is going to be a thank you note for ALL of the people who have helped us through this journey.  I have chosen some great examples and I am sure I will forget some people.  Just know how thankful we are for the support we have received during the last 4 years!

First, Tots Landing.  The place where I met and fell in love with Keegan.  Working at Tots Landing for 14+ years, I am still amazed at how my job has become an extended part of my family.  During this time I had so many of my employees and co-workers supporting me.  Here are just a few…

Missy, who I called when I realized this was really going to happen.  I had a complete breakdown in her house after I knew this was for sure going to happen.  I knew God was answering my prayers but I was so scared and worried that this choice would hurt my family in the future.  Missy helped me understand I would never have a magic ball that would help me tell the future.  I just had to have faith in God’s will.  That day I started praying for “Let me hear and know God’s will and have the courage and faith to follow it”.  I still pray that prayer everyday. 

Rob and Missy, my owners.  When I went to them and talked about needing to arrange my schedule to be very flexible so I could be there to parent Keegan, they didn’t hesitate.  They adjusted my schedule to be able to give me a Flex day to be home when my kids needed me. They enabled me to have my afternoons off so I could be home to monitor keegan… keeping him and my family safe and happy.

All of the Directors who listened to me almost daily talk about the process of adoption.  My fears, my tears and finally, my joy.  They stood by me when this was just a small dream, cried with me when we thought he would never come home and when he finally did come home, helped us celebrate and feel like a family!

When Keegan came to our house, we literally didn’t even have a bed for him.  The girls I worked with knew that we were so worried about the cost of adoption and that our house was not really conducive to adding another child.  But, they believed in us.  The girls pulled their money together to help buy us bunk beds so Keegan would have a place to sleep.  These are the same girls who constantly lifted me up without ever knowing it.  They never really knew how much I needed their support and encouragement.  They made me feel like the best mom in the whole world even on the days I doubted myself the most.

More Big Thanks to…

My sister and brother in law who offered to help us pay for the adoption.  This was going to cost us a lot of money and even though we didn’t end up needing it, just knowing this was not a hurdle we needed to worry about, was a huge relief.  That selfless offer helped us know that we needed to do this.

My father in law who helped us convert our basement into livable space.  Knowing that we would be doubling our living space and adding on 2 more rooms made this adoption a less daunting task.  He helped to give our older children private space, which they desperately needed. 

Our families, who met Keegan and immediately embraced him and our new family.  No questions asked, no worries or fears expressed.  Complete acceptance and love.  Never once did they share their doubts with us.   Never once did they give us any judgement on how we were choosing to parent him.  When Keegan started struggling, they accepted our parenting and helped to support us…even when they thought we were crazy.  They listen to me breakdown on my days where I lose hope and give me strength and courage with their words.  They love us all, unconditionally.  We have never had to doubt that EVER.   

Keegan's Godmother Emiley.  Her heart broke when Keegan came to live with us.  We knew how much she wanted him to stay with her.  But, she never failed to support us and encourage us even when everyone in her world was not so accepting.  Do you realize how difficult that is?  She is the definition of LOVE and to this day, we are so grateful that she loved Keegan before we did.

Bobbi Silver, a parent at Tots Landing, who took our first family photos.  She was the first person to capture how we all felt about one another.  She took this picture that captured our complete joy.  She also caught the many faces of Keegan... each one of them reasons why we fell in love with this precious boy.  I will never be able to express how much those pictures mean to us.  Our first famly photos.

Keegan’s teachers who have never judged us or any of our parenting decisions we have made.  My bestie, Melissa and Ashley.  Keegan’s preschool teachers who stood by us when we almost had to remove him from my own center due to behavior.  Lol! They were so committed and loved Keegan so much. 

Mrs. Kelley who cried with me when Keegan went through the hardest year of our whole lives.  We didn’t think we would make it out of Kindergarten alive.  She held us up and loved our boy even when he was at his most unlovable. 

Mrs. Lockhart who created a behavior plan that was so consistent and positive that Keegan had no choice but to fall into line.  She was the first teacher who gave me her cell phone number and text me almost daily with updates and most importantly, to share his good days.  She had my back and understood that we were working in his best interest.  

Mrs. Henderson who always wants to know more and understand what is going on.   She had my back on the day we made Keegan come to school to apologize for stealing.  We left within the hour after he refused.  He screamed and clawed the walls all the way out of the school as tears ran down my face in humiliation, anger and sadness.  I called her and she said she trusted my instincts.  This took away some humiliation and enabled me to deal with the situation with hope and encouragement.

Keegan’s principal, Mrs. McLaughlin and all of his special teachers, who know him by name and make him feel like a million bucks.  They help to give him praise and raise his self esteem.  This is such an important tool in his healing.  Being surrounded by a community of people who know he is the best kid in the whole world, even when he acts out.

My mom’s best friend, Leona who had adopted and fostered.  She was the inspiration for me wanting to help kids and foster.  That has always been on my heart.  When we were adopting Keegan I called her out of the blue.  I asked for her advice and she honestly and openly answered my questions.  She made sure I knew this was not going to be fairy tale story.  Real life adoptions from traumatic backgrounds are no joke.  They are hard.  They will test you.  Her honesty gave me a better perspective and armed us to ask the tough personal questions while we discerned.

All of my prayer warriors.  My CHRP sisters and St. Peter Claver family.  They knew our struggles and have prayed for us throughout.  They helped me understand that faith is an action not just a word.  Father Norman, who helps to give me encouragement and builds me up spiritually.  Reminding me constantly that all of this is for the Glory of God.  Lastly and most importantly, Paul and Ann Coakley who helped to answer questions on guardianship and prayed for us through the whole process.  After Paul died, I continued using him as my intercessor.  During Lent, I was praying so hard for understanding and help.  Literally begging.  I heard him clearly say, “Your job is not to fix him.  Your job is to love him.”  That perspective has been life changing for him and me.

How could we have done the impossible without all of YOU?  In the last 4 years I have learned that adoption takes a village.  So on this Fantastic Five Day, I need to thank YOU for making a difference in a child’s life.  Because of you Keegan will have a FOREVER family.  One that loves him unconditionally and will never give up.  A future that will be so bright.  People often say to us, “Thank God for you.  You guys are awesome for adopting Keegan.  He will have such a great life because of you.”  But, that’s not true.  He will have a great life because of all of you.  This Fantastic Five Day, we say a prayer of thanksgiving for you.  Thank you for being our strong foundation.  Thank you for your encouragement, prayers, support and love.  There are no words to express how important you are to us and most importantly, to Keegan.    

Wednesday, January 6, 2016

A Christmas to Remember


 A Christmas to Remember
This year we had the best Christmas break together as a family.  It was full of joy and blessings.  Most of all it was a reminder, yet again, to how God has worked in our families lives.  I find myself, so many times, caught up in the everyday chaos of running here, there and everywhere.  It is hard sometimes to catch my breath.  There are many days I feel so overwhelmed by all that I have to do and find myself shouting at everyone around me.  I can truly be one of the most ungrateful people in the world.
I have been very blessed with the job I have.  This job has enabled me to always put my family first.  When my children need me, I can make arrangements to switch around my schedule and be there for them.  I have never missed a concert, a play, a party etc and that is all because of the flexibility with my job.  A few years ago I took a pretty decent pay cut to shorten my hours and to have 2 weeks off at Christmas.  I needed to make my very large family my first priority.  I was able to do it with the blessing of my co-workers and owners.  There are not many places that are willing to do this for their employees and understand the true meaning of family.  At Christmas I am always very aware of how blessed I am with the job that I have.  I have been able to be a "stay at home" mom while I have worked.  How many people can say that?
This break has allowed me to soak in the holiday moments that will not last forever.  As my oldest son begins his rock star journey, I am so aware that my moments with him are going to be fewer and far between.  It breaks my heart more than I can explain, but it has also given me pause to breathe in these last few holidays together with a much different perspective on what really matters. 
This year was one of the very best Christmas' we have shared in a long time.  We did not plan alot of activities and I made a VERY conscious effort to put my Martha Stewart up on the shelf to gather dust.  We stayed in our jammies for 2 weeks and I did my very best to let the mess go.  We laughed, played games, relaxed and really enjoyed each others company.  It was so very needed for our family.  Here are some of my favorite moments I wanted to share with you....
My husband surprised us with our very first outdoor light display.  We came home from our trip to Michigan and I heard my little boys say, "why is daddy on the roof?"  It brought tears to my eyes and made me feel so much love for the man I married.  Working 12 hour days and spending every waking moment making this little Christmas miracle happen for us... words can not describe my pride and love for him!
Decorating our tree is a very big tradition for us.  Every year since she was 2 years old, Emma has put our angel on our tree.  Shawn has always lifted her up and even though she is our 14 year old freshman, she will always be her daddy's first baby girl.  Again, this is one of those moments that catch me in my chest and are reminders that our time with our children is only borrowed.  Soak in every single moment.
As most of you know we are expecting our 6th baby!  It was definitely a happy surprise for us and again, this Christmas, I found myself reflecting on the gift of life we were given.  It is a true miracle that God has given us 6 healthy, happy kids to love and nurture.  We are truly undeserving and humbled by this.  We pray all of the time that we will be worthy of this gift and do the very best job we can do.  There is no doubt that our newest one will be loved so much by all of her family, near and far. 
The week of Christmas we were scheduled to do our ultrasound.  This time around, only Shawn and I went.  We had decided that we would share this experience and we would also not know the sex until we revealed it to all of our family and friends. 
The kids and I decorated a big box and had a poll posted on facebook.  Were you #TeamBlue or #Team Blue?  We marked the box with every name that commented.  We then took a special ultrasound with the gender to Party City to have them secretly fill the box with the appropriate colored balloons.  We came home and were surrounded by family and some of our awesome neighbors as we opened the box and shared the news...

It's a ..... GIRL!!!!
Lucy Kate Reynolds is due on May 2nd and she will be surrounded by all of her family that already love her more than words!  We never really cared either way if it was a boy or girl but I would be lying if we didn't catch lots of whoops and hollers!  Isn't she the absolute cutest???

It has truly been the very best way to wrap up a very interesting 2015. This year has been filled with highs, lows and awesome surprise blessings.  I can't wait to see what 2016 will bring us and how my family will continue to grow and learn.  Merry Christmas from our crazy family to yours!

Tuesday, August 4, 2015

#UnplannedParenthood Part Two

***Before I begin to share this story, you should know I have talked with his Birth Mother and made sure to get permission to share her story.

I shared my story about my first experience with #UnplannedParenthood and now I want to share with everyone my second, most unexpected, story and blessing of #UnplannedParenthood.  It is especially amazing as we get ready to celebrate our 3rd Fantastic Five Day {our special name for Adoption Day} with our chosen, and very much unplanned child, Keegan.  The unbelievable gift of adoption placed him in our lives.  The very opposite of abortion but no less heartbreaking for the mother. 

I am so overwhelmingly grateful for every woman who made the choice to not abort their child and instead choose the beautiful option of adoption.  The amazing selflessness and courage these birth mothers show in the face of adversity is something so heroic it can not be put into words.  As I shared in my first story, I could never have the strength to have made that decision.  To know another woman is raising and loving my child would have broken my heart into a million unrecoverable pieces.  Because of that knowledge, I have such a special relationship with our Birth Mom.  I know how she suffers but I also know how happy she is to know her little boy is loved and cared for. 

Keegan is the poster child for Abortion.  I mean this in the most respectful way.  So many people who advocate for abortion and places like Planned Parenthood use the examples of children conceived through rape to teenage, uneducated, drug addicted mothers.  This is my son's exact story and start to his life.  This boy would be the perfect reason to walk inside a clinic and make the appointment to rid the world of his existence.  My son, who has suffered so much in the first 2 and a half years of life.  My son who is so beautiful, inside and out.  A little boy who captured this mama's heart at hello and who literally changed me into the person I am today.   This boy, the world says, should not exist.  She didn't listen.

Somehow through the grace of God she knew she was meant to bring him into this world.  She had determination to see her "choices" through to the other side.  Thank God she felt a baby growing inside her and knew it was such an important job to give him life.  She loved him enough and took a chance on her #unplannedparenthood.  She was so scared but refused to believe the naysayers that told her it would not be worth it.  She didn't listen 

So Happy This Little Boy Came Into The World

She had everything going against her.  She was 16 and had just learned to drive.  She had definitely been known to party a time or two.  She had no job and was in high school.  The father of her baby was abusive and was accused of raping her.  He was currently in jail.  I can't even begin to imagine the fear her future must have held for her. Even with all of that adversity facing her, she still said yes to life.  I can't begin to imagine the judgement, ridicule and bullying she would have had to deal with .  Mostly from people who call themselves pro life.  I know it must have been hard, because even though I was 3 years older than her, I had walked that path.  I knew how convincing these pro life cowards can be.  She didn't listen.

Sweet Cheeks

When Keegan was born it was far from an easy road for her.  Her addictions grew over time and it was a huge struggle for a teenage mom to raise a son she was not prepared for.  She had a variety of helpers who would take care of her son on the weekends.  She had a support system but it never seemed like enough.  It was hard to live on her own and make ends meet.  It was pretty clear that Keegan was not receiving the right care and he was starting to suffer.  She was exhausted, mentally drained, addicted and overwhelmed.  The Pro Abortion advocates would use this part of the story to say, "see, he would have been better off never having been born."  She didn't listen.

A Beautiful Picture of Keegan And His Birth Mother

When I had the pleasure of meeting Keegan, he was a ball of energy and so incredibly smart.  I fell in love with him at first sight.  I befriended his mom and did my very best to encourage her.  We talked for weeks... almost every day.  When his mom told me she was thinking of relinquishing him to foster care because it was too much for her, it was a natural instinct only a mother could have, when I said, "Let us take him.  I will be his mom".  At the time, I didn't know what this would mean but I did know that sweet Keegan needed a family and a mom that could love him and take care of him.  I felt such a sisterhood with his mom and was already deeply connected to her.  Mother to mother... she needed help, he needed a mom and God gave me the immense blessing of being chosen for him.

Right Before I Met Keegan- 2 Years Old

The world would say she should not give up a child she had raised for 3 years.  That it was her selfish addiction that she was choosing over her child.  How could she walk away from this baby boy she fought so hard for?  The world told her again and again that she was such a horrible person for saying she couldn't do it.  It didn't matter that she spent countless nights tossing and turning trying to find a way to be the mom Keegan needed.  The world didn't have time to empathize with her but had plenty of time to dish out judgment.  She, again, didn't listen. 

The Face I Fell In Love With

I am forever grateful to his mom for being open to adoption and not listening to so many people who told her it was impossible.  I am deeply humbled that she chose me to be his mom.  I don't take this responsibility lightly.  Her courage and faith she demonstrated by carrying her baby to term is stuff of legends.  Her selflessness to place her child into the arms of a woman she barely knew, but knew enough to know he would be loved, should be an inspiration to young mothers everywhere.  Her humility {which I am working so hard on learning myself} in admitting she could not do it should showcase to the world the power of being a virtuous person.  Adoption is not the answer for every mother facing adversity but she so clearly showed that it is an option that can be a win/win for all parties. 
Keegan and I On His Adoption Day- "Fantastic Five Day"

We chose to have a semi open adoption with Keegan's birth mom.  We chose this because it was in Keegan's best interest.  You see, our child, is always at the heart of every decision we make.  We stay in touch through pictures and social media.  We text and I give her as many updates as I can on how her sweet little boy is doing. 

This semi-open adoption has not been easy for her or me.  She allowed her parents and brother's family to have contact with Keegan and our family.  This is definitely not easy for her as she watches us form relationships without her.  While she can not be in his physical presence, she has given that gift to her family.  We both have to constantly work through feelings of selfishness, jealousy, anger, hurt, guilt, sadness and grief.  We pray for each other and for our son.  We celebrate every one of his wins and cry over each of his struggles.  Even though we are walking two different paths, we are so connected in everything we feel and do.  She is my son's birthmother, my friend and mostly, my hero.  She made a decision the world told her should not be made and I am so very grateful EVERYDAY.  
Little Baller

Our birth mom has shown us the incredible courage it takes to change a child's life for the better.  While we were given the gift of fertility and had never "planned" on adopting a child, our birth mom gave us a much undeserved gift of life and love that we now know is transforming.  Some facts to consider... as of 2006 the CDC reported that 600,000 women in the United States were waiting to adopt a child.  That same year the CDC reported that 845,000 abortions occurred in the U.S... eliminating the ability for these woman to become mothers.  EVERY woman can choose not to listen and instead grab ahold of their #unplannedparenthood with faith, hope and trust.  EVERY woman can consider the gift of adoption and giving another woman the blessing of being a mom.  That is giving women "choices".  That is giving power to women.  Adoption is a beautiful option and if was sold as aggressively as abortion, could you even imagine the sisterhood that would exist? 

Adoption Day in the Judges Chambers
It has not always been an easy journey.  The road to adoption and #UnplannedParenthood has been incredibly painful for myself and family.  It has been costly in more ways than just financially.  But it has also transformed our lives in ways too numerous to count.  Throughout this journey, I have learned so many valuable lessons.  To always have hope in every situation and to use your faith to hold you up when it seems hopeless.  To love unconditionally and give it up to God.  Trust that He is guiding the course of your life and will NEVER let you down.  Most importantly, NEVER listen to the world.  Society is full of jaded people who can never really know your story or the strength of your character.  Bravery exists in some of the weakest people and those people inevitably inspire the world to be better. 


How could the world say he should not exist?  How could they defend the millions of Keegans we are missing in this world?  I can't even fathom a world without my son in it.  It would be a world empty of adventures and the beautiful spirit of curiosity.  It would never hear his crazy laughter or see his boundless energy.  It would never feel his snuggles or his juicy kisses.  My Tom Sawyer would not have a Huck Finn to ride through life together.  I would not have someone to love so fiercely my heart breaks at the mere thought that his life would be anything less than perfect.  Keegan has taught me the most important lesson and I hope his story has taught you something too... EVERY child has value, even when society tells you they don't.  EVERY child has the incredible ability to change your world if you just let them. 

Our Fantastic Five....#UnplannedParenthood
***If you enjoyed this story of #UnplannedParenthood, please share it with some encouraging words of affirmation and love for Birthmoms everywhere. 
 Also, when you share it, please include a prayer for all women who have had abortions.  Pray that during this horrific time of investigation into Planned Parenthood, they feel peace and sisterhood with women everywhere.  May we bring hope, LOVE and support to each other, especially in times of adversity.