327 Days and the Counting Crows...

This morning on my kitchen table I found this….

To you, it may just be a nicely drawn picture with song lyrics, but to me it was another example of how proud my firstborn son makes me.  You see my son, Shawn, drew this photo for his Godmother.  She had been bugging him about this for awhile.  She asked him to make her a drawing of Adam Duritz from the Counting Crows with the words to her favorite song {Anna Begins}.  Shawnie doesn’t have a lot of free time.  He is the hardest working 16 year old you will ever meet.  I couldn’t believe that he spent time doing this.  In this moment it really made me reflect on how lucky I am that he is my son.  How sad I am going to be when he leaves home in 327 days.  And, how much my life has been changed because of who he is.

When I found out I was pregnant with Shawn, my world was flipped upside down.  I had just turned 20 and was working a minimum wage job while going part time to school.  I was scared out of my mind.  My family and friends, for the most part, were ashamed of me and offered very little support.  I remember there was a lot of judgment.  Thank God for his father.  He always told me “this is not a tragedy”.  How prophetic those words are now.  He was excited and gave me confidence we could do this. When Shawnie was born my whole life shifted.  Holding that wriggly, slimy newborn with tears running down my face, I knew my life would never be the same.  I learned how to be selfless.  I learned how to be loving, generous and patient.  Through his pregnancy I vowed to always be compassionate and kind to all people.  He taught me what faith really is and that having faith means you must act with love.  To this day he remains my biggest supporter.  He is my reason for everything.  I need him WAY more than he needs me.  He has no idea how much he has changed my life. 

People have no idea how hard this kid works.  How much of who he is comes from how much he does.  Never complaining.  Just doing what needs to get done.  He has maintained a high GPA while taking all accelerated high school courses.  He has rocked out his ACT which means he will most likely be able to score free in- state college tuition.  He has done that for himself but also, for us.  He has always worked hard to make our lives easier. 

This year he had an opportunity to take 3 college courses and do a Monday-Friday internship since he got all his high school credits in a year early.  Most kids would not have loaded up on all of those classes.  In fact, Shawnie gave us all the reasons why he should not do this.  We kept encouraging him to take advantage of the opportunity and work really hard.  And, Shawnie did.  It was not the easy decision but he knew it was the best decision for his future self.  He is currently enrolled in 3 college classes that occur every morning.  Every night he has about 2 hours of homework that he does.  I never have to check on his work or follow up.  I never have had to.  He just does what he needs to do and moves on. 

He also has a MWF internship at our elementary school mentoring under a Kindergarten teacher.  He leaves his school and works here til 3:30.  His future aspirations is to become a teacher.  He could be anything he wants to be.  He chooses to pursue a job where he will work for peanuts, helping others.  He will most likely never own a giant house, have huge trophies or awards decorating a big fancy desk in a corner office overlooking the city.  He will work for others.  No matter how I try to discourage him, he has his mind set.  After his internship, to make sure I don’t have to pick him up, he walks home.  It’s a pretty long walk.  He never complains.  He just walks.  Most kids would spend hours a week complaining about this… Shawnie doesn’t.  He walks to make my life easier.  He is constantly serving others before himself.

On Tuesday and Thursday he leaves school and catches a public bus to get to the other side of town and then walks to his second internship/job.  He works for his Papaw in his real estate office till 6 on these days.  So far, he has been unable to have the bus let him out at the correct bus stop.  He has had to walk about a mile and a half to the office.  Again, he doesn’t complain.  He takes it in stride.  I pick him up and make him listen to my sad Spotify playlist called 327 Days.  He puts up with it and laughs as I cry. He gets home and digs right into his homework after eating a rushed dinner.  He laughs about his bus misfortune and tells his stories of woes always hoping to bring a smile to someone's face. 

Shawnie has also volunteered to help at our church running the Alpha program for our CYO group.  He hasn’t rolled his eyes about my pressure to stay involved in church. He just does what he needs to do and is excited about starting this.  This will be a commitment.  This has not stopped Shawnie from doing what he feel he needs to do.  He continues making his faith a priority and recently, has even asked to go on a silent retreat with me to discern his future.  He jokes about becoming a monk.  Part of me wonders if one day he may pursue that.  Even if it is a passing fad most teenagers go through, it shows me how he is constantly looking for God’s will in his life.

The kid also is in a band called Johnny Conqueroo.  The band is exploding.  He has band practice and gigs every weekend and they are working on recording, so most of his weekends are spent playing bass in the "studio."  Their band, Johnny Conqueroo, is currently being scouted by some record labels and a big time manager has been working with them for over a year.  The amount of pressure I know he feels being a part of this band is so high for a kid of 16 years, soon to be 17.  Most kids couldn’t handle this, but Shawnie can and does this with the ease and grace I only wish I could have. 

Most importantly, Shawnie has FIVE brothers and sisters that he helps with.  He is my right hand man at home a lot of the time.  In fact, when he leaves for college, I actually legitimately don’t know what I am going to do with out him.   His brothers idolize him.  Going to have a sleepover with Shawnie and being able to play video games with him is the highlight of their week.  The way they look at him is truly a thing to behold.  Emma is his best friend at home.  He watches out for her at school and makes sure that she surrounds herself with good people.  He is her biggest fan.  He has no idea how much she looks for his approval.  Kiley Grace adores Shawn.  She waits for the minute he chooses to call her out for time or attention.  Out of all my kids, she looks up to him the most.  Lucy Kate is the luckiest.  She gets his undivided attention each day when he holds her and cuddles her.  He is never overwhelmed by the chaos of a big family.  He has always adjusted and kept the peace in our family.

Most of you know that our son, Keegan, has Reactive Attachment Disorder.  This dominates so much of our time and energy.  Shawnie is the best encourager for Keegan.  He spends so much time mentoring him.  He makes sure Keegan knows when he is disappointed in his bad decisions but more importantly, he is right there to praise every good decision he makes.  Part of RAD is that the child treats the mother really badly.  It breaks my heart.  Do you know that anytime this happens, Shawnie comes swooping in to give me a big huge hug?  He constantly tells me and reinforces to me what a good mom I am.  And, I believe him.  He doesn’t just do that for me… he does that for all of us. 

Above all he is kind.  Really kind. He is good.  I mean really good.  He is the definition of selfless and humble.  The thing that gets me is I have no idea how he became this way.  Shawn and I made good parenting decisions but we also made some bad ones.  We always hoped we were doing a good job but you never really know.  There were so many nights I cried myself to sleep with guilt about how much I yelled or said mean things to my son because I lost my temper and focus.  I mourn how many nights I fell asleep without even remembering if I had hugged or kissed him good night.  But, I am so hopeful, that part of who his is, is because we did some things right.  If we did anything right, I hope Shawnie would agree, it was that Shawnie was loved.   At his best and his worst.  He knew he was loved.  He knew enough about his faith to know that the greatest commandment is to "love your neighbor as I have loved you".  Be compassionate, merciful, kind and never lose your faith.  Hopefully we can credit some of who he is with instilling in him selflessness.  Giving more to others than you do to yourself.  He is rich in all these qualities that, at the end of the day, are the only things that really matter.   

As I reflect on Shawnie and his last 327 days at home {how pathetic is that countdown} I am so thankful to God for giving us the wisdom to parent Shawnie the way we have.  Shawnie was our #unplannedpregnancy and society would have said he should never have been born.  What a waste to the world that would have been. Thank God we listened to our hearts and not to some of the harsh, unkind words that were said towards us.

 He has started his last year at home.  He has started it off by an act that is both humble and kind.  That picture is a true gift to his Godmother and more than the quality of the art, is the act from which it came.  He took time... a lot of time… to make another person happy.  He really didn’t have the time, energy or creativity to spare… but he did it anyways.  It is a gift I know his Godmother will treasure and it is one that has reminded me once again how lucky I am to be his mom and how very much he will be missed when he leaves our nest.    

*** Weirdly, Tim McGraw sang this song about my kid.  I hope this song makes you think of your own kid.  Enjoy every minute because it goes by much faster than you would think ***

  "Humble And Kind"

You know there's a light that glows by the front door
Don't forget the key's under the mat
When childhood stars shine,
Always stay humble and kind

Go to church 'cause your mamma says to
Visit grandpa every chance that you can
It won't be wasted time
Always stay humble and kind

Hold the door, say "please", say "thank you"
Don't steal, don't cheat, and don't lie
I know you got mountains to climb
But always stay humble and kind
When the dreams you're dreamin' come to you
When the work you put in is realized
Let yourself feel the pride
But always stay humble and kind

Don't expect a free ride from no one
Don't hold a grudge or a chip and here's why:
Bitterness keeps you from flyin'
Always stay humble and kind

Know the difference between sleeping with someone
And sleeping with someone you love
"I love you" ain't no pick-up line
So always stay humble and kind

Hold the door, say "please", say "thank you"
Don't steal, don't cheat, and don't lie
I know you got mountains to climb
But always stay humble and kind
When those dreams you're dreamin' come to you
When the work you put in is realized
Let yourself feel the pride
But always stay humble and kind

When it's hot, eat a root beer popsicle
Shut off the AC and roll the windows down
Let that summer sun shine
Always stay humble and kind

Don't take for granted the love this life gives you
When you get where you're going don't forget turn back around
And help the next one in line
Always stay humble and kind