Saturday, May 11, 2013

A Mothers Day Letter to Birthmoms

Warning: This is heavy on my heart so I want to share.  It may not be easy to read.  You may judge me or even judge adoptions in general.  You may judge birthmoms based on your experiences. You may feel they do not deserve the compassion this letter writes about because of the hurt they caused a child.  That's ok.  I don't write this for you, I write it for them.  Today must be a tough day for them.  Maybe my words can change this a bit.  Maybe your words of support can help them, too.  Add a comment of support or share this with someone who may need it.

Dear Birthmoms,

Today is a happy day for me because of you.  Today the world tells me Happy Mothers Day and I am celebrated because of you.  I will have presents, cards but more importantly kisses and hugs from a child because of you.  Today the world remembers and reflects on all of the hardwork, sacrifices and effort I bring to the family...all because of you.

I worry that today while all of this celebrating is happening, that no one is celebrating you.  I know, I know...he is my child now.  But, that doesn't mean that my heart does not ache for you today.  Because he is my child, my heart aches more for the beautiful, selfless mother that sacrificed this day and everyday for him to come to our family.

I Know the pain this decision has created for you.  I know it because I saw it in your eyes when you told me how you felt.  I heard it in your voice when we talked about how his adoption would go and how you would only know him through pictures.  I saw how much this hurt you.  I felt the strength of your decision when we hugged the last time.  I saw clearly the pain in your eyes when you heard he calls me mama.  I know, because I am a mom, what this decision must have felt like. I know I could never have your courage, conviction or integrity of self.  I am not as selfless as you.

I want you to know I carry you with us everyday.  Everytime he cries, you are there.  Everytimes he laughs, you are there.  Everything he succeeds or fails at, there you are.  I keep you there so one day he will know his angel was walking beside him too.  This will make him a stronger man.  I know you weren't perfect, neither am I.  He will know our imperfections and will love us anyway.  He will do so because that's what I will teach him.

I need you to know that sometimes this is a heavy burden for me.  Sometimes this need to have you present in my thoughts makes me feel insecure and not good enough to live up to your selfless decision.  It sometimes makes me feel like less of a mom. I really hope that you know your sacrifice was worth it. He is happy, he is secure, he is loved.Mostly, he is loved! Every moment of every day...unconditionally loved!

Today I wish for you peace. Peace that you allowed him to be ours.  I wish for you strength.  Strength in those really sad moments I know you have.  I wish for you compassion. Compassion from a world that I know judges you harshly for the beautiful gift of adoption.  I wish for you courage.  Courage in the face of that judgement...sprinkle in some confidence and spirit to be able to say "I am a superhero with the sole ability to change lives!"

Today when I cuddle up with all of my children a small piece of my overfilled heart will be with you.  When they give me gifts, cards and handpicked flowers, I will think of you.  Somewhere I hope you can envision this and smile.  I will hug our boy extra tight and whisper in his ear how very loved he is by so will be there.  I will tell him that his mama loves him, one day he will know it is both of us.  You gave him life and I will show him love.

Some may think this is crazy.Some will say he is yours; focus on that and don't think of her.  But, I know God wants us to treat others the way I would like to be treated.  This is how I would like to be treated.  So I will take a small selfless moment on this, Queen Mothers Day, to share with you.  To remember you.  To honor you.  To celebrate you!

I will pray for you today like everyday.  I will pray that you surround yourself with people who will celebrate you and the beautiful life you brought in the world.  I will pray that today you will be lifted up by adoptive moms around the world.  I will pray that our sisterhood of mothers will comfort you, console you and look up to you.  Mostly, I will continue to pray for your healing and happiness.

Thank you for the gift of this mothers day and every one to come.  He is my precious boy...loved by you and given to me to cherish and love.  I just wanted you to know you are in my heart and mind today...

Thank you,
A Grateful Adoptive Mom

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