I have been obsessed with the Bachelor... obsessed. I am almost embarrassed to admit my love for this show but then I think of how adorable Juan Pablo is and I feel better with my obsession. However, last night I think I may have broken up with Juan Pablo...although I am not sure. I am very conflicted over my feelings for my secret boyfriend. But, after last nights episode I know a few things for sure.
One, you never give the milk for free. I used to hate this saying until I watched my poor Claire. Claire gave the milk away for free and then was truly surprised that Juan Pablo had no respect for her. She was shocked that he was only connected to her by their physical encounters. She was appalled that he knew nothing about her and dared to give her a sexual comment about wanting her physically. Has no one taught this girl this saying? Or, is this just the first time she realized it was true? In some ways....WARNING: ABOUT TO GET CONTROVERSIAL... I don't blame Juan Pablo. He took the cues from a girl that showed up to his hotel room in the middle of the night to have some hanky panky in the ocean. He is also a stupid boy. He was taught by Claire to view her like a piece of meat. He even tried to tell her that he thought they had made a mistake. The world freaked out when he said it but I kind of respected my secret boyfriend for that. He tried to tell her that he did not know anything about her and she was defensive. I think it is because it made her feel like a dirty girl... which she was.
Two, if my family sold me up the river I would literally die. So, it appears that Juan Pablo has some family issues. I could not believe this guy had a family that was warning his girlfriends away from him...ON NATIONAL TV!!! This says a lot about his support system. I am so very thankful that I have such a supportive family and that Shawn comes from such a supportive family. I definitely watched last night in disbelief as I saw a family crucify one of their own. I always find it fascinating when families have a bad seed and they love to talk about the bad seed as if they have no idea how they came to be. Listen friends, you have a bad seed because you created a bad seed. Bad people don't happen magically overnight. You create bad people. So, while the world was shocked at how horrible my secret boyfriend is, I was caught up in how horrible his family is and feeling darn lucky that I have the awesome family I do.
Three, I find it fascinating how all women are born with a tiny little voice that speaks to their hearts, minds and soul. Throughout this season of the Bachelor I found it inspiring as woman by woman listened to this tiny voice that told them to back away. It is my belief that part of the reason they listened is because Juan Pablo appeared to be such a great listener, as one by one they freaked out on him. My favorite character trait of my secret boyfriend was how he would listen to them question themselves and never judge them. He never tried to convince them to stay or that they were wrong. Some people thought that was creepy, I loved it!
I teach my girls that you have a voice because you are a woman of God. This voice speaks to you loudly, if you are listening, during your dating years. The voice very clearly tells you if your boyfriend is the man you will marry. During my hottie tottie years I dated a bunch of boys. Within weeks it was always clear whether I would be happy marrying them. For the first 2-3 weeks I always thought I would. By the 4th week I would know. It was just an instinctual feeling of wasting my time. I never liked to waste my time, especially on a boy who was not worth it. I never felt bad about walking away from these relationships. I knew they were going nowhere. They were fun. They were exciting. They were short lived. I don't regret them because when I met Shawn I very clearly heard my little voice screaming...."This is the boy you will marry". Because I cultivated this voice, I was able to listen. Fascinating watching these girls choose to listen or ignore their little voice. Call me crazy but, I loved showing this to my girls. I wanted them to see their mama isn't crazy.... you do have the voice and the CHOICE to listen or ignore it.
Four, physical connections are awesome but relationships can't be held up by this alone. My Juan Pablo loved his "bessitos". He loved them too much. This much was clear... at the end of the season he didn't know any of the women well enough to propose to them. I kind of dug that he recognized that and did not propose. He maybe had a glimpse into a future where bessitos were not enough. I have often said parenting sucks but you know what else sucks? A real relationship. There are highs and there are lows. In a real relationship your sexuality also has peaks and valleys. If you have nothing but a physical connection there is no way you can sustain a real relationship. Sometimes you don't want bessitos. Sometimes you just want someone to listen to you talk about your day with empathy. Sometimes you just need a soft place to fall. Sometimes you just need silence. This is a healthy relationship. I loved this season and how it highlighted without even recognizing it that a physical relationship is great but if that is all you have, you have a whole lot of nothing at the end of the day.
Women love the bachelor because it is sweet to watch two people fall in love. If you are lucky enough to have love, reminiscing and remembering the beginning moments is always fun. In the beginning everything was magical and just like a fairy tale. It is so nice to see that happen with people because it makes you feel thankful for your own love story. Women are not that complicated...we enjoy love stories and we love stories that are uncomplicated and sweet. Unfortunately, sweet Juan Pablo could complicate a bowl of cereal. So, we are left feeling uninspired and sad with the not-so-happy ending we received.
However, I enjoyed watching this season and I loved taking these four lessons and teaching them to my daughters. I found this season really interesting and I thank my secret boyfriend for taking the bullet to let us all learn them. The world is seemingly against Juan Pablo who tried to keep making everything "OK" but I like him for all of the lessons he bumbled through. Give the poor dude a break. He did his best and although his best looked messy at least he tried. So, in conclusion, for now, Juan Pablo and I are still secretly dating... and it's OK. I will let you all know if we break up...
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