New years is tomorrow and I am officially beginning my resolution. This year I am going to lose some major weight.
I know what you're thinking...you've said it before. Everyone tried and fails. You don't have it in you. Wrong. I am going to do it. I will forewarn you, it is gonna suck. I will no longer enjoy food. I will workout daily and sweat alot....gross. I will curse often. I will be grumpy and cranky. I will whine and demand that everyone listen and feel sorry for me. You have been warned.
This time it is different for my motivation is like none other. Drumroll....I am going to get $350 and take my family to Great Wolf Lodge! More importantly, I am going to avenge my husband for his wrongful defeat to none other than the Wilkerson clan. When this opportunity presented itself to my fat behind, at first I was intrigued, then I began imagining Great Wolf Lodge and, as my sister Mary says, my banging body. But what really cemented the deal was my brother in laws win over the great and powerful fantasy football team of Shawn,and Matt.
For too long Aaron has gone unchecked. Walking around with a puffed up chest and clearing space for his poorly won trophy. No more! For too long he and his wife have been pushing their way into my parents hearts for most loved children. I say enough! They even had the audacity to bear 2 sons, so divine in looks and nature, my own parents have named them "Precious" and "Darling". To that, I say shame on you!
I am also throwing the gauntlet down on his parents and brother. The very people who raised such a magnificent opponent. Mr. Wilkerson, who I am sure taught his son everything he needed to know to steal the league from my husband. His brother, who surely taught him how to make such adorable children (oh yes, I remember his own children clearly as their beauty is well known and showcases around Aarons home). Don't forget sweet Pat. Her wily ways of convincing her son and daughter in law to do this challenge is no match for me.
Excuse my French, but I gonna kick all your sweet asses and avenge my husband and take back the coveted spot of favorite child. I will even sabotage my nephews by posting numerous pictures of my own offspring. And, as the pounds come off I will laugh evily and prepare my victory dance. It is on like donkey Kong.
I ask from any friends and family out there who have heard tale of the Wilkerson brood...sabotage them! Bring them candies, sweets and fast food! Close down their gyms! Wear your Team Reynolds shirts with pride! It is a revolution I am starting and I urge you to join in! Bring me any supportive ideas, suggestions or tricks. I will try them all. This is the year I will reign victorious!!!! And, more importantly, Aaron and Mary are going down!!!!